Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
