distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
