My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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