Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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