Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
