Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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