is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
