I got chris browned last night
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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