Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
tell me about the fingering
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize