I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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