gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
