Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
