so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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