I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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