i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
