I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
