She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
