so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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