nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
