Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
