go do what you do best...puke behind churches
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Be still, my beating vagina.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
