You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Your shirt... Was in my pants
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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