Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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