I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
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I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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