Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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