Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
