So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
