Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
