Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I can feel your judgement through the phone
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
