I'm going to rape someone's good day.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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