No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
