I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
