So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
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