did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
