Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
