I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
