You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
