My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
