Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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