when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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