We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
