There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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