Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Randomize
