remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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