His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
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