You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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