im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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