It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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