Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
