Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
