i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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