Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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