I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
