so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
it hurts more in the daytime
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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