I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
