I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
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Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
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So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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