whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
