be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
