You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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