Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
