Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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