Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
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im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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