Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
