So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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