Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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