Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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